It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
