So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
