I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
