The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
