i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
