that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Im part way to drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
