he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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