And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
