Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize