Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I cockslap morals
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
