I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
