I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Text me some of your sweat
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
