as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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