what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize