So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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