found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
