the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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