now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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