I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My vagina just clenched in fear
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