i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
