have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize