i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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