wrigley field is MILF paradise
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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