yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
