Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
