Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
