He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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