he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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