Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
