I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
