The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In other news, I just burned my penis
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
