I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
