One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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