i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
