You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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