Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
