if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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