My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
