sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
