weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
