Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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