my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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