Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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