ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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