What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
