so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
