just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
