glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
