So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
