No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
