so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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