I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you are never too drunk for berry picking
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
