Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
