Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
