Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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