I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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