I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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