I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
