If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
