well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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