First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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