I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
