Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
