Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize