On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
