she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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