No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
