I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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