Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
