Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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