Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
