Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
