I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize