Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
