you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
